


I'll Leave If You Can Look Me in the Eye and Tell Me To

by Setfiretotherainbow



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Going to Hell, Leaving Home, Other, but he gets to speak so eehhh, but its there, but they werent together so idk, goobyes, have fun, hisoka is barely mentioned but there, illumi too, its barely there, its not a big part of the story but its there, kind of break up vibes, non-binary Illumi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27608237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setfiretotherainbow/pseuds/Setfiretotherainbow
Summary: This hurts. I can't do it, I can't, I can't, I can't . . .But, I have to. With that thought in mind. He choked back his tears, hardened his face into a sneer.“I mean honestly, you? You’re weak, a weak little kid who doesn't know anything about being a hunter, and misses daddy,’’ he forces down the bile in his throat and glares, “ did you really believe that I ever loved you? Get over yourself Freecs,’’ he smirks, cold. “I don't even actually like you’’ Gon hadn’t moved the whole time, he stayed in the same position, staring straight at Killua, his eyes shone with tears or hatred. Killua didn't know. You deserve it. You deserve to have him hate you. You’re terrible. You’re a monster. He deserves better. Hurt him more. Make Him Leave.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 13





	I'll Leave If You Can Look Me in the Eye and Tell Me To

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dears,  
> I hope you all have a good time reading this.  
> of course it wont be a happy read but it will (hopefully) be a good read  
> constructive criticism is always welcome
> 
> Prompts  
> “I was only pretending.’’  
> “I'd do anything for you.’’”  
> Epilogue Prompt  
> Lying awake

This hurts. I can't do it, I can't, I can't, I can't . . .But, I have to. With that thought in mind. He choked back his tears, hardened his face into a sneer.  
“I mean honestly, you? You’re weak, a weak little kid who doesn't know anything about being a hunter, and misses daddy,’’ he forces down the bile in his throat and glares, “ did you really believe that I ever loved you? Get over yourself Freecs,’’ he smirks, cold. “I don't even actually like you’’ Gon hadn’t moved the whole time, he stayed in the same position, staring straight at Killua, his eyes shone with tears or hatred. Killua didn't know. You deserve it. You deserve to have him hate you. You’re terrible. You’re a monster. He deserves better. Hurt him more. Make Him Leave.  
Gon looks at him one more time, he still hasn't said anything, he’s just looking at Killua, there's an emotion in his eyes that Killua doesn't quite know. The silence is starting to make him antsy.  
Finally, he moves, relaxing his stance,Gon sighs. Killua looks up at him, Gon is still looking at him.  
“You don't mean it.’’ Four words and he’s able to tear apart Killua even more, Just go dammit, you’re making it harder for both of us. Gon continues, “ you don't mean it. But, if you want to me to leave I will.’’ what? “You’re hurting me. You’re shoving me away.’’ No No Stop this wasn't supposed to happen this way. But Gon keeps going and Killua keeps breaking apart. “I told you that I have feelings for you and now you’re getting scared.’’ Gon takes a step back, “I know you like me back, I know. But if you’re really that scared. I’ll leave. I'll leave and you can try with all your might to forget about me. You’ve already shoved away Kurapika and Leorio. It’s finally my turn right?’’ he laughs bitterly at this but keeps going, “I know you’re hurting Killua, I know. But pushing away the people that love you isn't the way to go.  
It’s killing you to watch me even move backwards. Can You Watch me leave? Can you do that? ‘Cos I dont think you can.’’ He sighs again, seeming older, “I've known you since we were 12, I know you so well Kil. I’ve stuck by your side for 7 years.’’ he stops abruptly, tears gathering in his eyes.  
Stop, stop talking, you’re hurting me, this is what I didn't want, You're hurting me Gon, you’re the one that's not supposed to hurt me. You’re the one that I can trust. But he’s not. Not anymore. “But I'm tired Killua. I'm tired of always having to sprint to keep up with you. Tired of looking after you, because you can't look after yourself.’’ it hurts It Hurts It H u r t s stop it Stop It Gon I want you to Stop. He doesn't stop. “And now you want me to leave. But you don't really, do you?’’ He’s standing right in front of Killua now, looking down at him, tears cascading down his face silently, “If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you want me gone, I'll leave.’’ and Killua, Killua doesn't want him gone, but, “Kill the boy Killua, or I will.” Killua can’t risk it. So he looks up. Looks his best friend, his first crush, his first Love, His first Everything, in the eye, and says, as emotionlessly as he can, “ I was pretending the whole time. I don't know how you passed the Hunter Exam if you're still that naive.’’ Gon scoffs. He doesn't say anything, but he looks away.  
And then Gon walks away, not looking back as if it’s the easiest thing in the world.  
Later when Killua is back in the manor, after dinner with his parents. He gets a notification on his phone.  
“I just hope you know that I would do anything for you.’’  
And that's that. And Killua falls asleep that night clutching his phone in his hand. And somewhere in the world. Gon freecs lays awake, doing the same.

Epilogue

Gon lays in the sand, looking at the moon, watching it.  
“Mother and father wanted him to kill you. He got scared.” Gon smiles, emotionless.  
“I know.’’ Illumi sighs.  
“I thought so. ‘Soka wants to know if you’re staying out here all night.” he bites his lip,  
“Yeah, I’ll stay here, if you two don’t mind.” Illumi smiles, one of their small barely there smiles.  
“If we didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here. Don't stay out too late, you know how ‘Soka worries.” And they leave Gon there, on the beach, thinking about Killua and his feelings. And he stayed for a while, ‘till Hisoka came out and sat next to him filling the silence with the sound of shuffling cards. and Gon stayed, clutching his phone in his hands, laying awake.


End file.
